“MARRIAGE THAT SURVIVE THE STORMS”
Copyright © 2008 by J.A.Mcbean. Library of Congress Washington.D.C.20559
S ome couple marriage has never seen the fourth of July. What! Do you think that all those people who got married each year and ends up in the divorce courts did not love each other?! Yes! They did. It would not get passes the engagement party if they did not have some kind of felling for each other. Much more moving into the other phase of marriage. Our feeling is like a spider's web, but we cannot trust feeling. Do you want to grow old together? This article is design to help couples go over the bumps, humps and potholes of marriage.
“SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP”
Even Kings and Queen have people who give them counseling. If you are a Christian, get the service of Christians counselors. Even if you pray until your knees wear out, you still have to get counseling or pay the price in a divorce court. Do not bother asking God to fix a problem if he already provide the remedy for that problem in his word.
Psalm 32:9 (KJV) Be ye not as the horse, or as the mule, which have no understanding: whose mouth must be held in with bit and bridle,.
My wife and I were the youngest married couple in our church and in our community. I was just twenty-four years old. Her pastor would not bless our engagement ring. My pastor friend blessed the ring for us. There was not a man near and far who was not hoping to hear that we did not make it. In our community men who were grandfathers still living in common law marriage. My wife and I decision to get married at such a young age, insulted those people.
Song 8:7 (KJV)Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.
We never had a counselor, nor anyone to turn to when our problem started. I started pastors a Church at twenty-two years old, graduated bible school by twenty-three years old. That was all the education I had, at the time, and my secular trade. We soon learn that marriages do not survive on love alone. Love is like an egg that can be broken if you step on it, sit on it, or push against it. Love might not be easy to quench, but it can surely burn out, and all that will be left is what could have been, and the dream of yesterday.
“LOVE ALONE CANNOT HIDE A MARRIAGE FROM THE STORMS”
Anybody that thinks that being in love is all it takes to keep the engines of marriage running will wake up to a sad reality. “Love does not live here any more” The marriage has to have a foundation, which do not base on the love. The kissing, kissing, and hugging, hugging, with flowers every day, this is good, but cannot keep the rocks from falling on the marriage. Wake up, get real. If my wife got sick and is not eating, I would go outside and cry like a baby. But, months later, we would argue, yelling and sometime fight broke out. To make matters worst, we were both ordained ministers. Love does not fix bad habits. Being a Christian will not fix it either. Giving each other a lot of attention will not fix the problem either. It is like calling your mortgage company and told them you are going to be late on the mortgage payment, which is good, but you still have to make that payment along with the late fees. The marriage is not going to survive on a shot of love alone. Watch this! Kissing up to your boss, might make him or her like you, but you still have to come to work.
“GIVING THE MARRIAGE A FOUNDATION”
If a couple are deeply in love, but one or both of them are sarcastic, cynical, and use putdown, let see how long the marriage continues. Let see how long love continues. When the couple cultivate negative attitude, verbally abusive, money problem, and the interferences of family and friends. Let see how long love can endure. When one of the couple is impotent, and falls back into denial, and refuse to seek medical help, let see how long love will endure. When the couple use tits for tat, demanding and refuse to care about the other person's feelings, the marriage will not survive the storms.
HOW DO YOU TALK, AND HOW DO YOU ANSWER A QUESTIONS?
The couple must have a game plan, before they got married. How do we deal with hear says, mis trust, and money problems? How do we communicate in conflicts? What about conflicting love language. “I love you so I tease you” At the same time, the teasing is upsetting to you. One night I heard my head nurse talking negatively about her husband. I asked her a question. “If somebody told you something bad about your husband, would you ask your husband about it when you went home?” She replied. “Hell no” So! I assumed that she believes what she heard, true or lie. Her attitude is now going to be affected. Her husband is going to sense the change in her and assumed that she has a man. The marriage is now set up for a fall. Because the marriage does not have a foundation.
HAVING A PLAN IN PLACE
I can love you, but you have to earn my trust. Trust does not come about like love. To ask somebody to trust you, when your action is contrary to that trust, is bad business. Your spouse has the right to ask a question so as to clear up his or her doubts, without you throwing a tantrum. If he or she does not ask, but sit down and nursing that suspicion in silent. That will not help the marriage. Demanding that he or she trusts you without giving an explanation will not help.
HAVING A BIBLES IN YOUR HOME
Having a bible in your home and one in your car will not help. You must read it and are willing to live by its principles, or applied its principles to your daily life for it to work. Look for example in the scriptures when certain situation arises and applied its principles to your situation and you life will change. Stop listening for voices, and stop listening for somebody to prophesying over you. Read up everything the Bible had to say about marriage. How husbands are to behave toward their wives, and how the wives are suppose to behave toward the husband and your situation will heal itself.
“HAVING A SEX PROBLEM IN THE MARRIAGE”
You could send a truck load of flowers over to your wife or husband job each day, to make them feels good and see how much you love them. That is not going to fix the sex problem. You will have to do what the scriptures say. If your stuff stop working, have yourself check out for diabetics, and poor circulation. Diabetics can kill your feeling, as well as your eye sight.
(1Co 7:1) Now concerning what you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. (1Co 7:2) But, because of the fornications, let each have his own wife, and let each have her own husband. (1Co 7:3) Let the husband give to the wife proper kindness, and likewise the wife also to the husband. (1Co 7:4) The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband. And likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife. (1Co 7:5) Do not deprive one another, unless it is with consent for a time, so that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer. And come together again so that Satan does not tempt you for your incontinence.
If the word of God told you how to fix a problem, do not bother going to God concerning the problem. He is going to send you right back to the word.
Amos 3:3 (KJV) Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
2 Cor. 6:14 (KJV) Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
Agreement comes through communicating and compromising. Tones of voice, hot words, body language, and go to hell looks will never help communication. The answer to these questions is clear. Righteousness cannot mix with lawlessness; light can have no communion with darkness; Christ and Belial cannot be of one accord; a believer cannot have part with an infidel; and there can be no agreement of the temple of God with idols.
“Eight Commands for Husbands”
The Greek verb agapao means love, with the heart, the soul and every thing. The Greek verb phileo mean love, but this is not necessarily a feeling or emotion, but a doing. Love your neighbor is not talking about a feeling but a doing. Love your wife, love your husband is talking about how you treat them, and not how you feel about them. Before we come to an end, it is important to remember that you both are not enemies, and should leave room for reconciliation to chip in after a conflict.
Col. 3:19 (KJV) Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
1.To be head of the wife (Ephes. 5:23). 2.To love their wives as Christ loved the Church (Ephes. 5:25). 3.To love their wives as their own bodies (Ephes. 5:28,33). 4.To nourishes, brings up, cares for, protects, Ephes. 5:29; Ephes. 6:4; Rev. 12:6) 5.To cherishes ), to foster, warm in one's bosom, Ephes. 5:29; 1 Thes. 2:7) 6.To be joined as one flesh (Ephes. 5:30-31) 7.To leave their parents for their wives (Ephes. 5:31) 8.To cleave to their wives (Ephes. 5:31; Matthew 19:5)
“Eight Commands for wives”
Titus 2:4 (KJV) That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
1.To be sober (note, 1 Tim. 2:9). 2.To love their husbands. 3.To love their children. 4.To be discreet.), of sound mind; prudent; moderate; self-controlled. Translated sober (Titus 2:8; 1 Tim. 3:2); temperate (Titus 2:2); discreet (Titus 2:5). 5.To be chaste. . Here; 2 Cor. 7:11; 2 Cor. 11:2; Phil. 4:8; 1 Tim. 5:22; James 3:17; 1 Peter 3:2; 1 John 3:3. 6.To be homemakers., caring for and working at home. Only here. 7.To be good. , virtuous (Titus 2:5). 8.To be obedient to their husbands (Ephes. 5:22,33; Col. 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1-6).
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"Sword Bearer"
