May God’s richest blessing be yours today.
HOW TO HOLD
YOUR MARRIAGE TOGETHER.
Bearer Of The Mind Sword, defender of the cross, protector of His Glory.
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INTRODUCTION.
One of the reasons why people get lost and are left stranded on our vast high way; each day, is due to the fact that they did not take a map and do a study of the route they must take before they leave home. You might ask” what are the purpose of this book? Well, I sit down and do a research on failed marriages, and bust up relationship. I found out that if those people did receive some kind of information long before they get married, their marriage could have been saved. A Marriage is a life long investment, it is not cheep either, one ring, one wedding gown, entertainment of guests, all this can mount up in the thousands, and leave a couple indebted even before they started out. Five years after my marriage we were still paying some kind of bills that we did not even know about.
In this book I will not say a lot about thing like sex. Because a relationship or marriage was broken up long before that becomes a problem. This book fills in for the pastors with little or no time. It is a teaching manual. It will not go into details on some thing. This is where personal research comes in. I have done a few books’ base on marriage that have a lot of information in its pages. But I found out that many people who get married did not get any pre marital council, nor do any snap course on the subject before they got married. Due to this lack of information, their lives are tangles up, down the road of time.
Men and women do not understand each other like how they profess. For example a woman is concerned on how cute she looks, while the man is more concern on her attitude and her availability. One cannot live with people if you do not understand them. And to understand people, you have to draw upon somebody else experience. If you wait to step in the mess by yourself before you believe that mess is lying by the roadside, you will step in a lot of mess. Many black American women got married to Jamaican men and have a successful marriage, at the same time equal amount have bad experience. And the reasons for the bad experience is because these women did not do a study on the Jamaican culture. You need to know about the culture your mate is coming from. In the USA, black women take the leading role because long time down the road they were quicker to get employment than the men, and “he who carry the purse rule the home”
In Jamaica, the men take the leading role, because the man work and support the wife and children. The Jamaican men walk in froth while his wife walk behind him or beside him. But he is the head of his family or any day he find out that he is not the head he will leave. If you do not agree with the culture do not bother to married to the men, it is not going to work.
THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM.
Problems will never rise before the marriage, if it does it is a rare case. It is after the marriage that all the bad habits are going to show its ugly head. What was cute and funny during the courtship and engagement period, the same thing is dumb and stupid during the marriage. You might never hear your intended spouse pass a gas, nor pig out around the dinner table. But wait until the marriage, is over, all the lady-ism and the gentlemen-ism is thrown through the windows along with the under wears.
This book is a counseling manual for those who are planning to get married. I want to assumed that you already had an occupation in place are is learning one. I also want to assume that you have read many of my books about marriages. I also want to assumed that you are not scared of Bible verses, because we will be using them. Before you consider getting married, have your own happiness before you get married. Have your own self esteem. Do not come looking to get these from another person. Dump out the baggage from the previous bad relationship. Get healing for that emotional cut. Burry the dead dog, and burn the dead cat, but do not bring them over..
The Secrets On how To Hold Your Marriage Together.
Hosea 6:1-3 (KJV) Come, and let us return unto the Lord: for he hath torn, and he will heal us; he hath smitten, and he will bind us up. [2] After two days will he revive us: in the third day he will raise us up, and we shall live in his sight. [3] Then shall we know, if we follow on to know the Lord: his going forth is prepared as the morning; and he shall come unto us as the rain, as the latter and former rain unto the earth.
Married to somebody who is an overcommer. What I mean by overcommer. Somebody who is not govern by self seeking, somebody who is sold out to God, not just by facial expression but for real. A person who is not ruled by feelings and urges. A person who is not quickly to condense to old grudges and spites. To find this person, the holy spirit must reveal the person to you. This lead you back to learn to communicate with the Holy Spirit, the genuine Holy spirit and not the fake ones that operate in some churches. Study and seek to know the written word the scriptures. Learn to know the spirit of God. Then this will help you to see what people you are getting involve with.
THINGS THAT BROKE UP MARRIAGES.
The reason for this book is to point out some of the things that broken up marriages. If you are driving from florida to Georgia, and you were told that somebody is going to ambush you at the border of Florida and Georgia, you would make some adjustment to your travel. Either by changing the time of traveling, or by changing your vehicle. Changing route, or postponed your visit to Georgia all together. But, you will have to do something, even a monkey would take up decisive actions. This book is to point out the marital ambushes along the way. One of the first culprit in downing a marriage is
“Power struggle”
Power struggle between wife and husband, can left a marriage tied up for thirty years, until the marriage broke up. Some couple could buy an house a long time ago but cannot come to any agreement on what kind of house to buy and where to buy the house. The power struggle among them keeping them from coming to any agreement
Amos 3:3 Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
The smart thing to do is to agree on who have emergency power in the new relationship. Which one of us two is the head of this new family? If you two cannot agree on that it does not make any sense go any further together.
Even among a pact of wolves one has to be the head wolf or head dog. What does it mean when it say that the man is the head of his wife? There was two Greek words use for head in this passage. The husband is the head, was the same word use for an umpire. A umpire is a person appointed to settle a dispute that may arise from the sport. Or else the game could have been tied up for a long time. Christ is the head of the church meaning that he is the founder, the author and the finisher. If you both cannot agree on who is going to have emergency power do not bother to get engage, much more marriage.
Ephes. 5:23 (KJV) For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
”Interference of family and friends”,
can poisoned a marriages for ages.
Hair says”
is another marriage killer. Painful childhood upbringing, like sexual abuses. This child abuses can causes a woman to be bitter and her husband never know what is bothering her, always thinking that he is the ones making her unhappy.
“Money trouble”
You know what they say when money stop rolling it is head that rolls. You will have to think about the monetary side of a relationship, and have plans for it even before you two moving in together.
“Sexual preferences”
one of my friend marriage broke up because her husband want anal. sex, oral sex and do not want to go to the vagina. You two need to talk about sexual preferences before marriage. I did not say what was wrong or what was right so do not go off on the defective side now.
“Look phobia”
Mate scared who the other mate is looking at and scare of whom looking at their mate. This look phobia problem can imprison the life and freedom of the other mate. Every body look at other people, the only different is that women and men do it differently. Women use their side way vision, or positioned themselves to have the man in line of vision, then give him a good look over, while men turn head and look, but we all look. And should not let our feelings got hurt only because a spouse is looking. We should try find out what about that person that cause he she to be looking and see if we could adopt that thing.
“Disagreement
is another problem, that will arise. How do we deal with disagreement? How do we deal with grievance? The massage of this book, is that the two people get together and talk about these problems long before they became a problem. Killing the bugs before they stay around the stink the place up. The fact that we are (((induevals))), and have different upbringing, different likeness and dislikes, lays the ground work for disagreement to spring up.
HAVE A GAME PLAN IN PLACE.
Therefore, the smart things to do is to have a game plan in place how we are going to deal with disagreement and all the other problems when they arises. The churches should give courses to their members who are coming into maturity for marriage, long before they even find a mate. Courses in money handling, working, banking, shopping, cooking and child raring. The churches should have work shops, where people learn to do basic needle works. Because all this will come in handy in the years to come. People need training and how to develop problem handling skills.
RELATIONSHIP.
It is said that eighty five percent of a person success depends on other people. Maintaining a good relationship with others is as vital as the air we breathe. You have to know human nature, understand their grudges and their greed. Understand them and be sensitive to their needs and feelings. Even when you do, you are going to get into trouble with people, then suppose you did not know? A relationship is a shared life. Once you entered into a relationship with somebody you have shares your life with them. You cannot go off on your own and contract any business without the knowledge and consent of your spouse. Why not? Because it involved your spouse. If my wife miss her car payment the company call me. If she is late with her credit card payment the company call me. It involves me. Not her father nor sisters. If you cannot make adjustment in your life for a spouse, do not seek a spouse because it will not work.
BEWARE OF DUNG BUGS.
As a boy growing up in Jamaica. I remember seen a certain kind of black bugs, we call tumble bugs. Every time you see them they have a ball of dung before them pushing. These reminded me of certain kind of in-laws. The wife women’s family, who dig up dungs and plant hard feeling in their women relatives. These make jokes, drop a word here and drop a word there. Make an indirect suggestion and brake the peace of the family. If they are slighting your spouse, it is something they are trying to tell you indirectly. Get rid of him, or you cannot be a part of us. But you are not a part of them, wait until the man get fed up and quit, and you will see who is with you. Then they have you working in their back yard.
Washing up their pots and pans. Tumble bugs never stop dig. People who were digging under my marriage, twenty years later they are still digging. If you should put a top on the telephone conversation coming from those in-laws, your belly would have drop out. Every hard feeling that came into your mind you must examine its source, and ask yourself if it is justified. If you do not do this Satan can use people to plant ill-feeling and doubts in your spirit. And by doing so, they bring a quick end to your marriage. A lady friend of mine went overseas and got married. Her relative know of the man womanizing yet they did not inform her. Even when she came down to married to the man, they stood there and watch her getting married to the man and did not warned her. She return to the state and send for the man, and they still did not told her of his behavior. The man came up and she is happy. Now the relative began to tell her of the man past behaviors. Why wait until now? Listen to your own hearts, do not make friends and relative plant ill-feeling in you. Do not make them used your head to brake up your own life.
BEWARE OF PEOPLE WHO ARE POSSESSED WITH FAMILIAR SPIRITS
Leviticus 19:31 Regard not them that have familiar spirits, neither seek after wizards, to be defiled by them: I am the Lord your God. )( Familiar spirit are very friendly evil spirits. You will swear to God that this is one of the nicest person there is, but wait until you move in with them. A person being poses with this spirit can fool almost any Christians, especially Christians in charismatic circles.
DO NOT SEEK SAME SEX COUNCILORS.
It is best to use Counselor of the upper-sex. Because women tend to side with women and men tend to side with men, When your marriage is about to hit the rock, there is no time for stupid and one-sided counselors.
Sirach 42:13. For just as moths come from garments, so harm to women comes from women “The New American Bible, Saint Joseph Edition.”
Women does not make good women counselors, for women. They tend to take side, and sometime side taking is not going to help your marriage. You need somebody who will help you find a way to make it work. One woman post a massage on the web site. Her Jamaican husband of ten years marriage, want too much sex. The truth is if he still want her after ten years of marriage, then he really think well of her.
Sirach 6:7. When you gain a friend, first test him, and be not too ready to trust him. Sirach 6:8 For one sort of friend is a friend when it suits him, but he will not be with you in time of distress. The New American Bible, Saint Joseph Edition.”
Never speak about your spouse to your friends, and if they start a conversation along that line, get up and leave. They are trying to worm their way under your skins.
PRE-MARITAL CONTRACT
In the world of business, it is not what you deserve you get but what you negociate for. The same way how a country have to have some kind of constitutions, or written document on how that country should be run. It is the same way how the new family or new relationship, will need to have something. If you are coming into the relationship intend to get and not to give you will need to have that in pre-marital agreement.
The good thing about a premarital agreement is that it make each party aware of what they are getting into. If you want to keep your go, go dancing professions, you will need to have it in the premarital contract. You also need to put clause in it that you do not want you mate to come watch any of your show. You will have to shake your stuff in people’s face to get your good tips, and you do not want he or she standing there like a head dog over you. If you drink your beer, you will need to have it in the pre-marital contract. If you are a counselor, and have to keep your counseling in confidentiality. You do not want to relate people problems to your mate, you will need to have that in the contract. You do not want an ease-dropping mate, who keep peeking and poking like a mosquito.
MIX-RACE MARRIAGE.
“You cannot eat your cake and have it” From the beginning of time there was all ways interracial marriage. Nothing is wrong with that. But tell that to the couple prejudice relative and friends. If you married to a white person you have gone white. You are white. If you married to a black person, you have gone black. You are black. Make your mind up before you cross the racial fence. There is going to be a split between you and some of your relative. Can you live with that? The split will not be forever, if you stand up to them and abandon them for your spouse, they will return to you after about eight years, when they saw you both still going on together. You cannot have their favour, and have your spouse at the same time if they disapprove of your decision. Some parents invest thousands of dollars in their children and feel insulted when that child married contrary to the parents will. Some family have a thing called “ The family secret” Where they want each other and are upset with new comers. Do not push your face where it is not wanted. It does not make sense that you get your face rub in mud.
Do not make stupid decisions, then blame it on the lord when you find your life tangle up. Some Christians make me laugh. I was driving down the road with one of my brother in law, he was driving very hard, I asked him why? He replied that it is the Lord that is driving his car so I must not worry. I told him to take away the car from the Lord and drive it himself, because the Lord is driving too ruff. Do not act stupid then blame it on the Lord. One of the reasons why Eastern marriages seem to work, and there are but few divorce, it is the women relative from both sides that chooses the bride. Since they are the one that do the choosing, they do not want to be the ones to do the braking up. Therefore they try to promote the marriage instead of tearing it down.
MONTHS BEFORE THE MARRIAGE.
Introduce your intended spouse to your family. Ask their blessing. Any member that refuse to give you their blessing, move away and stay away from that family member. Because that person is going to stir up trouble, dig under and dig over. Drop a word here and drop a word there, until they bring about the braking up of your marriage. If my reader is a man, beware how you push yourself into a group of sisters and cousins who are competing for the same man. Nothing good will ever come out of it.
BASIC PHYSICOLOGY.
Physiologists say” Every behavior is caused” In other word, every thing that a person say are do, have reasons attached to it. Words and actions do not exist in a vacuum. It came from behind a volume of thoughts. A person sit down across the table staring at you. They have some reasons. It is either that you resemble somebody that he or she knows, or the person like you, or hate you. Perhaps want to start a conversation with you. Or may be he is just planning how to mess you up. But there is a reason for that stare. A person is not talking to you verbally, but with their attitude every minute they have spoken a thousand words. One of my daughters told me that a certain girl is jealous of her.
I asked her” How do you know? She replies” The girl knows that I get my hair bradded, she saw me coming up the steps, and she hides and refuses to look at me. Days later when she decided to speak to me, she keeps tugging onto my hair, even though she knows that when hair just got braided it is tight and painful to be tugging on” To get on with people you have to be sensitive to their feelings. You have to put yourself in their shoe. How would you feel? How would you like it done to you?
THE MIND
2 Timothy 1:7-AV For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
It is important to know how the mind of people work because some people are not in their right mind. And you will need to be able to pin points it. A friend and I was coming from school one day. We stop to buy Cuban coffee, while we talked about the coffee. A lady joins in the conversation. Her boy friend saw us laughing and talking. He does not know what we were talking about. He ran to his car for a gun. Thinking we were trying to get his woman. My friend say” Yes, shoots us, then go to prison and make prisoner rape you, while other men out side are having the woman” One sided, one track minded behavior. These people are not in their right mind. When a man rape a five-year-olds, how could somebody like that be in their right mind?
IF THE PERSON IS NOT PLAYING BY THE RULE OF ST LUKE 6:31.
Luke 6:31-AV And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.
Do not make people compel you to play by the RULE OF ST MATT 5:39-42. What chance would you have? Matthew 5:38-AV Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: Matthew 5:39-AV But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. If a person is not playing by the rule of the scriptures, do not let them leave you drift. They will barrow every thing and leave you dead..
Just remember that peace only comes through strength. People be a peace with you because they know that you will not let them vent themselves on you. People will not attack unless they know that they can win. Just look at the super powers. Afghanistan was occupied by Russia, The USA and other strong country keep pleading for the Russian to pull out. But when these super powers is dealing with a small defenseless country they just go in and bomb them to hell.
RESPECTING THE FEELING OF OTHERS.
Luke 6:31-AV.And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.)( One cannot have relationship if they do not respect the feeling of others.
THE LAWS OF ACTIONS AND REACTIONS.
If somebody hit you, the first thing that will comes to your mind is to hit back. This is natural. This is call self preservation instinct. Every thing that we do to each other will have a reaction. And the reaction will be will be greater than the action. People who do not understand this law always get them self in all kind of senseless trouble. Because they do things to others. And say things about others, thinking that the other person is not going to revenge. Well do not count on it.
Once you understand the laws of self perseverance. The laws of actions and reactions. You will not take chances.
WHAT HAVE YOU BROUGHT?
Proverbs 18:14-AV. The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear? Proverbs 17:22-AV A merry heart doeth good [like] a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.
Like we said before. One of the biggest killer to any relationship or marriage, is the problems that people brought with them into the marriage. Problem from previous relationship. People with wounded spirit and broken spirit sometime is nothing more that a death trap. It is said that people who divorce and married again always end up divorcing again, because of grudges that is brought over from the old relationship. Another thing is childhood fantasy, that comes into conflict with reality. Before one consider about a relationship or marriage, they should first clean up their act. Spite is something that is brought over. Obedience and subjection is something that is brought over. These things cannot be taught to people who have been brought up otherwise.
If YOU ARE MATURE PERSON CHOOSE A MATURE SPOUSE.
Romans 8:7-AV. Because the carnal mind [is] enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. Romans 8:8-AV. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.
An immature believer is not subject to the law of God. They do not take it serious.
IMMATURITY AMONG ADULT:
When a mature believer got married to an immature believers. The immature believer cannot be subject to the mature one either, but drag them down, into stagnation.
1 Cor. 3:3 (Living) For you are still only baby Christians, controlled by your own desires, not God's. When you are jealous of one another and divide up into quarreling groups, doesn't that prove you are still babies, wanting your own way? In fact, you are acting like people who don't belong to the Lord at all.
Carnal believer is a babes in Christ. 1 Corinthians 3:3-AV For ye are yet carnal: for whereas [there is] among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men? Carnal believers still bear grudges, and act in animosity.
HUSBANDS RESPONSIBILITY TO WIVES AND CHILDREN.
When a man became a husband he is responsible and must act as such. The man must be aware that he is the main bread winner of the family, you cannot married to a woman and expect her father to support you both. The husband is the head of the wife, and the wife to be, must be ask how does she feel about this? Many women who belong to feminists groups do not believe in the headship of men, but at the same time want to get married.
Ephesians 5:23-AV For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
The woman must acknowledge this before the pastor. That she believe it, and is willing to go along with. A minister friend of mine has been bless with a good wife, he say if he and his wife are deadlock on a subject, and cannot come to an agreement. She gave him the vote. She is not convinced, but because she acknowledge him as her head, she go along with him, wishing him well in his endeavor. Colossians 3:19-AV Husbands, love [your] wives, and be not bitter against them.
WHEN STUDYING THE BIBLE.
Listen to what it is saying that it is not saying. What? Look at Col 3:19. Love your wive and be not bitter against them. Why does the scripture have to tell us to love our wife? Because the possibility is there for we to hate her. That is what the scripture did not tell us. Look at the following verses.
1Peter 3:7-AV Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with [them] according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. The word “Dwell” mean to live with. Lodge, nest, abide. We must exercise knowledge, when we are abiding with the wife”
GIVING HONOUR UNTO THE WIFE”
The scripture say we are to “give honour unto the wife” That mean. No name calling. No defaming. No cursing at. No hitting. The scripture remind us by saying” As unto the weaker vessel” In plane word we must bear in mind that she is the weaker vessel. If a man have problem with treating the woman with respect then he should think twice about getting married.
Ephesians 5:33-AV Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband. Colossians 3:19-AV Husbands, love [your] wives, and be not bitter against them. Ephesians 5:25-AV Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
DO NOT IMPRISON THE WIFE.
Some husband imprison the wife, she cannot even give another man direction without getting into trouble with her husband. He own her soul. I remember while working in the Hospital, I had a woman patient, her husband would not let anybody take care of her. He was in her room night and day. Possessive. Frighten, never expect that he could now have a woman. He gave her no freedom. Let her take her vocation. People should get away by themselves at least one week per year. If she want to go visit her retaliative for a day or two, let her go.
CHILD RARING.
Colossians 3:21-AV Fathers, provoke not your children [to anger], lest they be discouraged. 1Timothy 3:4-AV One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity. Rule your house well do not mean that you must beat them to death. It do not mean that if a daughter got pregnant you must turn her out in the street to prove that you are all that righteous. Have common sense.
WIVES RESPONSIBILITY TO HUSBANDS AND CHILDREN.
When a woman became a wife she is responsible and must act as such. You must discuss with your husband and arrive at an agreement before you act, or else you do not have a husband as you think. You cannot be over confidence. Over confidence is the death of many a woman. Another thing, people tend to do as they like when there is no competition. The Christian religion is one of the religion that teaches one wife to one man. Even thought this doctrine can be challenge. However, because of this doctrine the Christians wife do not have any legal competitions from another woman. This cause her to be very secure, cocky, and confidence. Therefore she do as she likes. Because of this behavior many Christian men became Muslims, where they can married more than one wife, if the first one is messing up. This is why the scriptures must be stress on to both party and get their acknowledgment, get them to be aware of the scriptures. And sign their premarital agreement.
Ephesians 5:23-AV For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
The husband is the head of the wife, while the wife must guide the house. 1Timothy 5:14-AV I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.)( Sensible wives seek to please their husbands. 1 Corinthians 7:34.
PART MAN PART GOD DOES NOT EXIST.
“A good man is hard to find” This depend on where the person is looking. A man is what you make him. Part Jesus part man does not exist. Some women do not know that a man have feelings just as women, and can be hurt and broken heart just like women. My wife when she is playing with me, will be biting me just for fun, but while she is biting me, I am biting her back with the same amount of pressure she is using. What I am trying to convey is. I have feeling just like you.
1Peter 3:1-AV Likewise, ye wives, [be] in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; )( The wife must chose a man that she have no problem being in subjection to or one that does not mind all the subjection stuff. You should not have any thing in the marriage that will cause disharmony. And if disharmony is there, then fighting and cursing is also there. And if they do not separate soon, killing will be there. When I just got save I was a passive. Now I am not. I found out that when you kick back it work. The only way a person get away it have to be a mistake. Are I feel like forgive.
1 Peter 3:5-AV For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 1Peter 3:6-AV Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
What I told many women is to seek a man that they counted, rated, and feel worthy to call their husband. If you do not feel that strongly about the man, he is not the right man for you. If you feel belittle to get up and make him a cup of coffee, or listen to his instruction, over your friends and retaliative, you have made the wrong choice of a man.
Ephesians 5:24-AV Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing. Colossians 3:18-AV Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. What a man is. Is what he always was. You can make him better or worst.
YOU BOTH MUST BE ON THE SAME SIDE.
Ephesians 5:21-AV Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Ephesians 5:22-AV Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Ephesians 5:23-AV For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the I do not believe that being the head, mean that the woman should not have a mind of her own. The two people must sit down in a proper manner and planned, or discuss whatsoever they have to discuss, until they reach an agreement. Behaving like you both are on the same side. Do not jump off and do things on your own without the consents of your mate.
MONEY HANDLING.
Psalms 37:16-AV A little that a righteous man hath [is] better than the riches of many wicked. Proverbs 23:5-AV Wilt thou set thine eyes upon that which is not? for [riches] certainly make themselves wings; they fly away as an eagle toward heaven.
I did not know any thing about the handling of money until I was 40 years old. I heard one of my fellow workers boasting about money market, how much he invested and his money double, with interest and compound interest. I could not believe what I was hearing so I went to the public library to borrow some books. The best place to start is the public library. I found out that. If a person have a little patience and some money to begin with. You could build your house with interest, and your original money still remain in the bank not being used.
SHOPPING.
Shopping is not as easy as it seem, but this is important to learn, when you do not have enough money where you shop is quite important. Make out a list from home of what you need. For somebody who are going to get married in today world, you will need to know how to shop.
HOW WELL DO YOU COMPREHEND?
Matthew 7:12-AV Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets. Luke 6:31-AV. And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.
Base on the above verses. Suppose your spouse love to eat pork, but base on your religious beliefs you hate the stuff, does your spouse have the right to eat pork if he or she love it? Answer, they has the right to eat, whatsoever, he she want. Just put yourselves in their place. Would you like your spouse to stop you from eating a thing solely because he/she don’t like it? Just suppose your spouse family does not like you, should your spouse stop talking to them because they do not like you? Your spouse should talk to them any way, after all” Blood is ticker that water” These series of questions is only an eye opener, to teach us to put our self in the shoe of others before we take action against them, or start judging them.
CONVERSATIONAL SKILL.
Lets face it, talking is what people do the most, then eating and sleeping. You and your spouse are going to talk. A lady asked me if I drink beers, I responded by saying “yes” One can per month to flush my bladder” Because I do not want her to think that I am an abuser of alcohol.
How would you interpret what I say? If you should say” Sin is sin, it does not matter if you drink ten pint per day, or one pint per month” I would responded by saying” I was not talking about the morality of the thing, wither it was right or wrong to drink”We were not discussing wether it was sin to drink beers or not. She asked” What size do you prefer to drink? I reply one pint. Because I do not want it to be habit forming. It so happen that the lady is a professional beer drinkers and interpret what I say in the negative. She asked another question. Are you married? I reply yes. She respond I could tell” I asked her” How do you know? She respond” Because you keep telling me what to do” Now this is one of the problem in marriage, people understood poorly. How under heaven she comes by the idea that I was telling her what to do I do not know. She asked me if I drink I responded yes. She asked how much? I told her how much and the reason why. She could drink a river dry that is not my care. In America people do as they please. What I am getting at here. If you are a college grad, do not seek a high school drop out as a spouse, because there will be a communication problem. However, there are some people who have never gone to school, but are not stupid.
BE AN ASSET TO YOUR SPOUSE.
Be an asset to your spouse. Asset mean” Benefit, capital, effect, help, strength, wealth. Do not be a drawback. Do not be a liability. This is how you are going to cement the marriage or the relationship. This is what going to tie your spouse to you. Be merciful, be forgiven. Say the forgiveness. Learn to say I forgive you for the thing you do. Plant seed of love. That it might grow and bear everlasting love. People need somebody that they can grow old together with. This cannot happen when you are spiting each other, and making lies about each other. Believe in your spouse, when all evidence point toward their guilt, do not believe it until your spouse confess voluntarily. Sometime your vote is all they got left in the world. A certain minister was standing at his gate one day when a young woman shove her baby into his hand and say” Here is your sin” And walk away. The minister brethren compel him to stop preach and give up the Church.
Every body believe that he was guilty. However, his wife take the baby and care for it. Sixteen years later the mother got converted and came back to the home and confess what has actually happen. Her parents throw her out of the home with the baby and she hade no place to live. Putting the baby into the minister hand and walk away will insure the baby safety. And so that is what she did. Luckily the minister had a good wife.
DEVELOP GOOD ATTITUDE.
Understand yourselves, even before you try to understand others. I found out that couples sometime bear grudges among themselves. And by so doing they destroy the harmony and serenity among themselves. If one member is making money, ore one is talented and the other is not. It should not be a problem because the wealth and the fame is in the family that you are apart of.
James 5:9-AV Grudge not one against another, brethren, lest ye be condemned: behold, the judge standeth before the door. Let us remember the scriptures"
Galatians 6:7-AV Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
What we put in motion is what will return to us. One of the problems why so many Christians marriages have broken, is because genuine Christians get married to unsaved Christians. Especially in evangelical circle, where one is believe to be in good standing with God when they can get all emotionally worked up, being in spirit. One Sunday a young lady visited our Church for the first time. She was in high spirit at the altar. Not only that, she was also a pretty woman, with good shape. All of us young men cannot wait to greet her when Church was over. Accordingly to the teaching, this person is fill with the spirit. She became a member of our Church, it was not long before we found out that she had married five to six times, and each time the marriage broke. The spirit that she was in, was no spirit at all, but sorrows of heart.
LEARN TO COME TO AN AGREEMENT
Amos 3:3-AV Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
Ecclesiastes 4:11-AV Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm [alone] I know of a couple, every plan they came up with flop because they cannot come to any agreement. Any time you see a couple cannot come to an agreement, there is a fight going on for control. They still do not decide who is in charge of the relationship. They will live together for years and never reach any where on the financial scale. Choose a spouse who you think is worthy, of your benevolence. Benevolence mean” Charity, courtesy, generosity, grace, humanity and kindness.
1 Corinthians 7:3-AV Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The Bible told humanity how to have a successful marriage. If due benevolence is absent, that mean spites and animosity is present. How far can a relationship or marriage go with the added load of spites and animosity?
Romans 7:2-AV For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to [her] husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of [her] husband. 1 Corinthians 7:11-AV But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife.
A lady walk out on her husband and did not even told him that she get through to go to the USA. He found out from stranger. Some five years later she turn up at his house quarreling with his present woman, that she want back her husband. Some people are mad.
BISHOP AND DEACON.
1Timothy 3:2-AV A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; 1Timothy 3:12-AV Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well. Titus 1:6-AV If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly.
THE SEX ACT.
If you cannot put out you will be pushed out. Marriage is not a game for fools. Marriage is like a business, it has a contract and a vow. “ For better or for worst” Marriage is not all about sex but sex is the sweet part. if you have no sex urges and have sexual problem it is not the place for you.
AGE SEX COMPATIBILITY.
How much speed do we expect to get out of an old car? How much milk do we expect to get out of an old goat? Some people expect to get blood out of stones. Abraham was ten years older than his wife.
Genesis 17:17 (NASB-U) Then Abraham fell on his face and laughed, and said in his heart, "Will a child be born to a man one hundred years old? And will Sarah, who is ninety years old, bear a child?"
When the average women reach forty years of age their sex life begin to go down hill, because the estrogen productions begin to be diminishing, at the same time a man the same age is just in his prime. At certain time the woman stop producing and stop having a menstrual cycle, a man the same age are still active and can father a child. God is not going to put young stud with and old mare. For what purpose?
The phrase “One wife” is mention three times in the Bible, and it was to the bishop and deacon. However, the main body of the Christians religion have adapted the one wife doctrine for all its members.(Not all Christians Churches) Because of the one wife doctrines the Christians wives feel unchallenged. Without competition, they developed a cocky mentality. “Hell” He cannot do without me, if he want to go to heaven” Therefore they spites the their husbands at will. This actions drive the Christians men to have sweet hearts, sometime right there in the same Church. Just remember, only one person is guilty in this sin, and it is the one that cause the problem. I will never punish a member if their spouse abandon them sexually and cause them to do what they have to do.
1 Corinthians 7:8-AV I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 1 Corinthians 7:9-AV But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. 1 Corinthians 7:2-AV Nevertheless, [to avoid] fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 1 Corinthians 7:3-AV Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 1
Corinthians 7:4-AV The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
1 Corinthians 7:5-AV Defraud ye not one the other, except [it be] with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
If the scripture is ignore one or both partner is going to sleep with somebody else. Sexual transmitted disease and infections do not cure easy, nor cure cheep. One infection cause over $500 US. Some of these infection, can remain in the body for years undetected, while destroying the body silently. Marriage is establish to keep people from jumping from bed to bed. If your spouse sexual needs are not met, this is what going to happen. Do not think the person is so spiritual, that they will not do it. Just take a look at some of the saints in the Bible.
SALVATION BRING A CHANGE IN PEOPLE LIFE.
Not because a person profess Christianity, that profession might only be mouth talk. 1 John 4:20-AV If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
St. John 13:35-AV By this shall all [men] know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.)( What is the purpose of salvation without a change of attitude toward other people? When Jesus came into a person heart, he change them from the inside, he change their perception. This mean" Attitude, insight, realization, opinion, view, feeling and sensation, all these change take place the time of conversion miraculously, you get up from the altar of prayer a new person indeed.
2 Corinthians 5:17-AV Therefore if any man [be] in Christ, [he is] a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
This change is so dramatic that the Bible call it the born again. THE BORN AGAIN. This change is so great that your relative and friend will not understand it. Galatians 5:22-AV But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Galatians 5:23-AV Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. All the qualities of Galation 5:22-23 will be implanted in your life.)( The joy and peace is so awesome that it passeth all understanding.
CONCLUSION.
Therefore. This book is in no way complete. Only you my reader, and time can write the final chapter of this book. However, I hope that you have learned something from it. Pass on this book to another person who will be planning to get married in years to come.
Let us face the fact, no matter how much education we had on a subject we can go out there and made the worst mistakes of our life, that cause us dearly. Only Jesus Christ can help us with our decision-making.
Proverbs 3:6 in all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Psalm 34:8 (NASB-U) O taste and see that the Lord is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!
HOW TO BECOME A CHRISTIAN.
Many people went to court each year and received a terrible sentences from the judge, and because they have no knowledge, they did not know that they could have ask the court for mercy or leniency, and end up knocking off a few years just by asking, it is the privilege of every citizen. Many people died and went to hell and never have the nerve to even ask God for mercy. Is there mercy for a hopeless sinner who has hurt all mankind? Yes!
Isaiah 7:11 (ASV) Ask thee a sign of Jehovah thy God; ask it either in the depth, or in the height above. Isaiah 7:12 (ASV) But Ahaz said, I will not ask, neither will I tempt Jehovah.
Ezekiel 18:32 (ASV) For I have no pleasure in the death of him that dieth, saith the Lord Jehovah: wherefore turn yourselves, and live.
First you must recognize that you are a sinner and need God mercy.
Romans 3:23 (KJV) For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; Then you must know that God sent his son Jesus to die for your sins.
1 Peter 2:24 (Living) He personally carried the load of our sins in his own body when he died on the cross so that we can be finished with sin and live a good life from now on. For his wounds have healed ours!
YOU MUST KNOW THAT YOU CANNOT SAVE YOURSELF.
Ephes. 2:8 (ASV) for by grace have ye been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; Ephes. 2:9 (ASV) not of works, that no man should glory.
2 Peter 3:18 (ASV) But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and for ever. Amen.
Zech. 4:7 (KJV) Who art thou, O great mountain? before Zerubbabel thou shalt become a plain: and he shall bring forth the headstone thereof with shoutings, crying, Grace, grace unto it.
Eph 2:8 The Message Bible” “Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! Eph 2:9 We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing!” There nothing you could do to save yourself , the only thing you could do is bowed your head and ask God to save you.
You must believe that there is a God.
Hebrews 11:6 (Living) You can never please God without faith, without depending on him. Anyone who wants to come to God must believe that there is a God and that he rewards those who sincerely look for him.
No other person can save you except Jesus.
Acts 4:12 (KJV) Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.
Acts 4:12 (Living) There is salvation in no one else! Under all heaven there is no other name for men to call upon to save them."
Then you must know that God invites you to come to him.
Isaiah 1:18 (Living) "Come, let's talk this over!" says the Lord; "no matter how deep the stain of your sins, I can take it out and make you as clean as freshly fallen snow. Even if you are stained as red as crimson, I can make you white as wool!
Do not wait until tomorrow to get save.
2Co 6:2 (For he saith, I have heard thee in a time accepted, and in the day of salvation have I succoured thee: behold, now is] the accepted time; behold, now {is] the day of salvation.)
2Co 6:2 The Message Bible. “God reminds us, I heard your call in the nick of time; The day you needed me, I was there to help. Well, now is the right time to listen, the day to be helped.”
Delay not your conversion to the lord, put it not off from day to day. Remember that tomorrow is promise to no man. Accept the lord, go home and continue with your life, if the lord.. If the lord saves you in bad life style, he has some plan up his sleeve how to get you out of it, give him time to work out his salvation in your life.
WHOSEOEVER SHALL CALL.
Acts 2:21 (KJV) And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Romans 10:13 (KJV) For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Ezekiel 33:11 (KJV) Say unto them, As I live, saith the Lord God, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked turn from his way and live: turn ye, turn ye from your evil ways; for why will ye die, O house of Israel?
Now bow your head and pray this prayer.
Dear God, our heavenly father, I am a sinner and need to be save, would you save me this moment from all my sin? Save me now, because your son Jesus had died for my sin. Thank you for saving me and give me peace, in Jesus name.
From this day onward you will begin to feel a flood of joy and peace full your heart and mind. You must confess Jesus to others with your mouth. Tell what great thing the lord had done for you. Romans 10:9 (Living) For if you tell others with your own mouth that Jesus Christ is your Lord and believe in your own heart that God has raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
Then you need to start reading the bible, start reading from St Mathew.
1 Peter 2:2 (Living) Now that you realize how kind the Lord has been to you, put away all evil, deception, envy, and fraud. Long to grow up into the fullness of your salvation; cry for this as a baby cries for his milk. 1 Tim. 4:13 (KJV) Till I come, give attendance to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine.
THE LORD WILL MAKE YOU HOLY IN HIS OWN TIME.
1 Peter 5:10 (KJV) But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.
OUR BODY WAS NOT REEDEM AT CONVERSION.
Romans 8:23 (GW) However, not only creation groans. We, who have the Spirit as the first of God's gifts, also groan inwardly. We groan as we eagerly wait for our adoption, the freeing of our bodies {from sin}.
Rom 8:21 that the creation itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the liberty of the glory of the children of God. Rom 8:22 For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now. Rom 8:23 And not only so, but ourselves also, who have the first-fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for our adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body.
THE SINS OF THE BODY WILL NOT BE CONQUERED LITERALY BY ALL SAINTS WHILE LIVING ON EARTH.
2 Cor. 5:10 (NASB-U) For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad.
When the Lord redeemed us our body was not redeem, it was our spirit and soul. The changes took place in our spirit man. Not the body. The body will still continue to sin. If the believer do not know this they will become worried as to why am I still lusting? And became eaten up with guilt to the point where they experience no peace and joy.
Even though our body were not redeem, we who wanting to live up to certain standard, to please society, must bring our body into subjection, even thou we do not do that to buy salvation. But to prevent Satan from capitalized on it. But to bring this body into subjection take time. We saw belivers at the judgment seat of Christ in heaven being judge for the deeds of the body.
1 Cor. 9:27 (NASB-U)but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.
2 Cor. 2:11 (NASB-U) so that no advantage would be taken of us by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his schemes.
Romans 12:1 (GW)Brothers and sisters, in view of all we have just shared about God's compassion, I encourage you to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, dedicated to God and pleasing to him. This kind of worship is appropriate for you.
2 Cor. 12:7 (NASB-U)Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me—to keep me from exalting myself!
SOME THING YOU OVERCAME IT BY IMPUTED GRACE.
2 Cor. 12:8 (NASB-U)Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. 2 Cor. 12:9 (NASB-U) And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
“I saw a river of blood, flows from Calvary Mountain, I am in it and your are in it, and I am clean, clean” By Smith Wiggle worth.
We can sing with the song writer" I rise walk in heaven’s own light above the world and sin with heart made pure and garments white, and Christ en-throned with in. The cleansing stream I see I see I plunge, and O It cleans-eth me. O praise the Lord, it cleans-eth me, it cleans-eth me yes, cleans-eth me."
HOW TO CONTINUE IN THE FAITH.
Hosea 6:3 Then shall we know, if we follow on to know the Lord: his going forth is prepared as the morning; and he shall come unto us as the rain, as the latter and former rain unto the earth.
The first thing you will need to know is this. Beware of people who come laying hands on you say they are filling you with the Holy Ghost. That is how people get possess with demonic spirits. God will give you every thing you need to fit you out for his service in his own times. You do not need to push any thing nor to make any thing happen. Wait until God make it happen.
A NEW MIND-SET.
After the lord save a person there are some things that the person must do on their own. All the work is not just up to Jesus. You must developed a different mind set, from the one you have before you were converted. Not a holier that thou mind set but a new mind.
Eph 4:22 That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; Eph 4:23 And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; Eph 4:24 And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness. Eph 4:25 Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.
GIVE YOURSELF AWAY TO THE THINGS OF GOD.
1Ti 4:13 Till I come, give attendance to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine. 1Ti 4:14 Neglect not the gift that is in thee, which was given thee by prophecy, with the laying on of the hands of the presbytery. 1Ti 4:15 Meditate upon these things; give thyself wholly to them; that thy profiting may appear to all. 1Ti 4:16 Take heed unto thyself, and unto the doctrine; continue in them: for in doing this thou shalt both save thyself, and them that hear thee.
Jer 29:13 The Message Bible. "When you come looking for me, you'll find me. "Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else,
THE END
Come back for update soon.
The author of this article.
Rev. James McBean. Sr
Was born in Jamaica west Indies.
Bachelor In Theology.
Masters in Christians counseling.
Member of the AACC. American Association of Christians councilors
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THE LAW OF SOWING AND REAPING.
Do you want God to throw money at you? Help you out of tuff places? Restore your health and give you new friends. Well learn to lend to God.
Proverbs 19:17 (Living) When you help the poor you are lending to the Lord--and he pays wonderful interest on your loan!
Galatians 6:7 (KJV) Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
Job 42:10 And the LORD turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends: also the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before.
TO RECEIVE FORGIVNESS YOU MUST BE WILLING TO GIVE IT.
Mark 11:26 (KJV) But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.
TO RECEIVE FINANCIAL PROSPERITY YOU MUST BE WILLING TO PLANT SEED OF FINANCE INTO OTHER PEOPLE MINISTRY.
2Co 9:7 Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.
JOB WAS DELIVERED AFTER HE PRAYED FOR HIS FRIENDS.
Job 42:10 After Job had interceded for his friends, GOD restored his fortune--and then doubled it! Job 42:11 All his brothers and sisters and friends came to his house and celebrated. They told him how sorry they were, and consoled him for all the trouble GOD had brought him. Each of them brought generous housewarming gifts.
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