"HOW TO PREVENT YOUR MARRIAGE
FROM ENDING ON THE
ROCK"
Copyright © 2008 by Dr.J.AMcBean Library of Congress Washington.D.C.20559
T ommy Newberry In his book “Success Is Not An Accident” He says” Success is not an accident! This is, without a doubt, the single most important lesson you must learn and really understand if you want to develop your full potential and enjoy all the success you were designed to enjoy. Success in life comes from one thing: deciding exactly what you want to accomplish and then deliberately choosing to invest the minutes and hours of your life doing only those things that move you in the direction of your goal. It is simple. It is the truth. And the moment you fully accept it, your life and the lives of those you love will never again be the same. Success, however you choose to define it, is absolutely predictable.”
ANTICIPATE THE PROBLEMS THAT PELAGE MARRIAGES AND DEAL WITH IT EVEN BEFORE IT BECAME A PROBLEM IN YOUR LIFE:
Just like every thing else, the success of marriage are base on principles, and not just luck. It is a principle that anybody that learn it can have the same result.
Some of the problems that seem to plague marriages are, look a phobia. This is when one spouse is afraid and insecure, that his or her spouse might be looking at somebody else. Many fight and even killing happen over “What you looking at?” We will talk more about this later.
untold thousand of marriages have crashes against the rocks of time, many of which could have been save. Marriages have been brought down by problems that was hidden in the temperament of people. Problems that could have been null, if it was force to come up to the surface, and dealt with them before the marriage. Problem likes "looks phobia" Black American men find it disrespectful if another man looks at his wife while the man was driving by. This causes fight and killing. This problem can be solve before the marriage, by retaining your rights to look where you want to look, and for others to look at you, without him showing any attitudes. This call for a strong premarital agreement. Problem springing from sexual preferences can be taken care off before the marriage. Child molestation, women beating and gambling. These entire so call problem can be taken care off, just by talking about them in a rap session, and putting them in a premarital agreement.
FALLING INTO BAD RELATIONSHIP:
Bad relationship is the number one stumbling blocks for marriage people. Many Christians continue serving the lord good, right up to the time when they got married. After the marriage, their faith went down hill. This could have been prevented if they did anticipate the problems and deal with it. You might say "But they do not know what problems they are going to have" There are a list of pit falls that Satan has that he uses on married people and it is the same old list Satan have for every body.
POWER STRUGGLE:
Amos 3:3-AV Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
A couple must decide on who is the leader in the relationship, even before moving in together. Somebody will have to be the leader. The president of the United States is there for emergency decisions. Congress can be tied up on decisions for years. In time of war and time of great stress, when an immediate decisions is needed, there is no time for long drawn out, and endless debating. The president has emergency powers; where he can get up and say" This is how it must go" The president has to use his emergency powers, until congress can come up with an agreement. Somebody in the marriage has to have that power. The Bible say it is the man must have this power in the marriage.
Ephes. 5:23 (KJV) For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Many women do not agree with this, but when trouble came, they run behind the man.
James 3:16-AV For where envying and strife [is], there [is] confusion and every evil work.
One of the easiest ways to put an end to the power struggle that seems to kill many Marriages are for the man to choose a much younger woman, that himself. We see in the Bible Abraham was ten years older than his wife. When we were going to school a girl that was our age was much mature that the boys, and would not even listen to us. It was impossible for those girls to be in subjecting to us when we were just idiots to them. So even before the two people move in together they must decide on who is the leader in the relationship. Do not assumed any thing, talk about it, and document it in the premarital agreement.
DEALING WITH DISAGREEMENT:
The most and foremost things that each couple do together is sleep, the other is talking. We will never know how much we are different from each other until we begin to talk. If a solder on the battlefield loose communications with headquarter, he might never know that the war is over. Many years after the Japanese American war was over, many Japanese solders who were lost an certain Island never know that the war was over and the Japan had surrendered. Never let your communication line as a couple is severed.
Amos 3:3-AV Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
The good thing about this verse, is that agreement comes through talking. Talking show up disagreement, and talking straighten out disagreement.
LEAVE PLACE FOR RECONCILIATION:
Some people the way they act reminded me of the chicken that have no head. Disagreement between spouses will always come up. I have been married now for more that 26 years to the same woman. I got married when I was 24 years old. We disagree on almost every thing. In an argument, you must remember that. This person is not your enemy; we are only having a disagreement. There is no need for abusive language, name calling, pushing, pulls out knives, guns or even go and lied of each other, there is no need for all that. It does not reach the stages for weaponry of any kind. Some people had gone on so bad, that when the disagreement cleared up the RECONCILIATION process cannot chip in. When we disagree with our supervisors! how do we behave? Do we call them names before their faces? At (lease) treat your marriages like your job.
DEALING WITH HEAR SAYS:
Nothing broke up marriages like hear says. And no body hear things like women.
HAVING A GRIEVANCE PLAN:
You have to have a plan on how to deal with Jealously and hear says. If somebody came and told you that, they saw your husband car parked up at a motel how would you deal with that problem? First of all, the person is going to congratulate you, by saying," You and your husband are really enjoying yourself, I saw your car parked up at such and such a motel" But it is a lie, the person is a mischief-maker, who is trying to upset the peace of your marriage. You have to have a plan put into place, how you and your spouse are going to deal with grievance. Do not sit down and gripe. Do not make a case behind the other person back. Always ask the person and told them what you have heard.
Some people who have problem in their spirit. They have wounded spirit or wounded lives; these believe every thing they heard without seeking verifications. Therefore their marriage is at the mercy of people whom bearing a grudge or people who are jealous of them.
The proper way to deal with this problem is by asking the person. How do you know it was my husband car? What time of day was it? What motel was it? Did you wrote down the plate number? If he or she do not have any of the answers to the questions that you ask. It could be a mistake, if the person has an answer to the questions that you ask. What pain, effort, and dedication that this person take to bring you that information, like he she is a private detective. Therefore, You can conclude the whole thing to be one big lie.
Proverbs 24:4-AV And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.
Proverbs 11:9-AV An hypocrite with [his] mouth destroyeth his neighbour: but through knowledge shall the just be delivered.
No marriages ever survive a sex problem.
In the book “Politics and people” Robert Townsend said” All people have needs. The way we act is determined by needs that are not yet satisfied. Our needs form a kind of ladder. Until a person’s needs have been satisfied on a lower level, he or she won’t be interested in satisfying needs on a higher level.”
Sex is a natural part of human biology, it is God that sit down upon his holy mountain and make up the stuff. It is not nasty. A person's mind is not in the gutter because they want sex. It is not human beings that bring on the feeling. It is just like sleep, people do not want to fall asleep on the job, but sleep wins.
MARRIED INTO CURSE FAMILY.
One of the problems that brought down marriage is people who get married into a family that had a curse on it. A certain man spent many years living with a wife; and finally leave because he say he cannot reach any where financially with her. "She is a gambler addict" He could never trust her to pay the rent; the money would end up in the casino. The people we married to, the people we befriend, and the people we worked among are even live among can cause you and I to share in their curse. I remember an incident that happens in Jamaica West Indies. One curst person cut wood and throws it into the cane mill, the mill broken down. A long line of things begins to happed. Because the mill was broken down, the cane cutter lost their job, the sugar boiler lost their jobs, even the taxi men that brought the people who sell lunches to the sugar plantations lost the jobs, the whole community was affected by the work of one curse person.
CURSE UPON YOUR FINANCIAL LIFE.
3 John 1:2 (KJV) Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. 3 John 1:2 [I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth] Three kinds of blessing that are God's will: 1. Material prosperity (3 John 2; Joshua 1:5-9; 1 Samuel 2:7-8; 1 Kings 2:3-4; 1 Chron. 29:12; Ezra 8:22; Job 36:11; Psalm 1:1-3; Matthew 7:7-11; Matthew 17:20; Matthew 21:22; Mark 9:23; Mark 11:22-24; John 15:7,16; 2 Cor. 9:6-8; Phil. 4:19) 2. Physical healing and health (3 John 2; Exodus 15:26; Psalm 91; Psalm 103:3; Isaiah 53:4-5; Isaiah 58:8; Matthew 8:17; 1 Peter 2:24; James 5:14, note) 3. Soul salvation (3 John 2; Matthew 1:21; Romans 1:16; Romans 10:9-10; Ephes. 1:7; Ephes. 2:8-9; Hebrews 7:25; 1 John 1:7,9; Rev. 1:5) If any one of these blessings were not the will of God, would it be the wish of this most beloved apostle? If such blessings are the will of God for one man, they are for all men alike who will have faith for them, because there is no partiality in the gospel.
SOMETIME ONLY JESUS CAN HELP US:
Matthew 6:33-AV But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Isaiah 55:6-AV Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near: Isaiah 55:7-AV Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
Come back for update soon.
"Sword Bearer"