"HOW TO PREVENT YOUR MARRIAGE
FROM ENDING ON THE
ROCK"
Copyright © 2008 by Dr.J.AMcBean Library of Congress Washington.D.C.20559
T ommy Newberry In his book “Success Is Not An Accident” He says” Success is not an accident! This is, without a doubt, the single most important lesson you must learn and really understand if you want to develop your full potential and enjoy all the success you were designed to enjoy. Success in life comes from one thing: deciding exactly what you want to accomplish and then deliberately choosing to invest the minutes and hours of your life doing only those things that move you in the direction of your goal. It is simple. It is the truth. And the moment you fully accept it, your life and the lives of those you love will never again be the same. Success, however you choose to define it, is absolutely predictable.”
ANTICIPATE THE PROBLEMS THAT PELAGE MARRIAGES AND DEAL WITH IT EVEN BEFORE IT BECAME A PROBLEM IN YOUR LIFE:
Just like every thing else, the success of marriage are base on principles, and not just luck. It is a principle that anybody that learn it can have the same result.
Some of the problems that seem to plague marriages are, look a phobia. This is when one spouse is afraid and insecure, that his or her spouse might be looking at somebody else. Many fight and even killing happen over “What you looking at?” We will talk more about this later.
untold thousand of marriages have crashes against the rocks of time, many of which could have been save. Marriages have been brought down by problems that was hidden in the temperament of people. Problems that could have been null, if it was force to come up to the surface, and dealt with them before the marriage. Problem likes "looks phobia" Black American men find it disrespectful if another man looks at his wife while the man was driving by. This causes fight and killing. This problem can be solve before the marriage, by retaining your rights to look where you want to look, and for others to look at you, without him showing any attitudes. This call for a strong premarital agreement. Problem springing from sexual preferences can be taken care off before the marriage. Child molestation, women beating and gambling. These entire so call problem can be taken care off, just by talking about them in a rap session, and putting them in a premarital agreement.
FALLING INTO BAD RELATIONSHIP:
Bad relationship is the number one stumbling blocks for marriage people. Many Christians continue serving the lord good, right up to the time when they got married. After the marriage, their faith went down hill. This could have been prevented if they did anticipate the problems and deal with it. You might say "But they do not know what problems they are going to have" There are a list of pit falls that Satan has that he uses on married people and it is the same old list Satan have for every body.
POWER STRUGGLE:
Amos 3:3-AV Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
A couple must decide on who is the leader in the relationship, even before moving in together. Somebody will have to be the leader. The president of the United States is there for emergency decisions. Congress can be tied up on decisions for years. In time of war and time of great stress, when an immediate decisions is needed, there is no time for long drawn out, and endless debating. The president has emergency powers; where he can get up and say" This is how it must go" The president has to use his emergency powers, until congress can come up with an agreement. Somebody in the marriage has to have that power. The Bible say it is the man must have this power in the marriage.
Ephes. 5:23 (KJV) For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Many women do not agree with this, but when trouble came, they run behind the man.
James 3:16-AV For where envying and strife [is], there [is] confusion and every evil work.
One of the easiest ways to put an end to the power struggle that seems to kill many Marriages are for the man to choose a much younger woman, that himself. We see in the Bible Abraham was ten years older than his wife. When we were going to school a girl that was our age was much mature that the boys, and would not even listen to us. It was impossible for those girls to be in subjecting to us when we were just idiots to them. So even before the two people move in together they must decide on who is the leader in the relationship. Do not assumed any thing, talk about it, and document it in the premarital agreement.
DEALING WITH DISAGREEMENT:
The most and foremost things that each couple do together is sleep, the other is talking. We will never know how much we are different from each other until we begin to talk. If a solder on the battlefield loose communications with headquarter, he might never know that the war is over. Many years after the Japanese American war was over, many Japanese solders who were lost an certain Island never know that the war was over and the Japan had surrendered. Never let your communication line as a couple is severed.
Amos 3:3-AV Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
The good thing about this verse, is that agreement comes through talking. Talking show up disagreement, and talking straighten out disagreement.
LEAVE PLACE FOR RECONCILIATION:
Some people the way they act reminded me of the chicken that have no head. Disagreement between spouses will always come up. I have been married now for more that 26 years to the same woman. I got married when I was 24 years old. We disagree on almost every thing. In an argument, you must remember that. This person is not your enemy; we are only having a disagreement. There is no need for abusive language, name calling, pushing, pulls out knives, guns or even go and lied of each other, there is no need for all that. It does not reach the stages for weaponry of any kind. Some people had gone on so bad, that when the disagreement cleared up the RECONCILIATION process cannot chip in. When we disagree with our supervisors! how do we behave? Do we call them names before their faces? At (lease) treat your marriages like your job.
DEALING WITH HEAR SAYS:
Nothing broke up marriages like hear says. And no body hear things like women.
HAVING A GRIEVANCE PLAN:
You have to have a plan on how to deal with Jealously and hear says. If somebody came and told you that, they saw your husband car parked up at a motel how would you deal with that problem? First of all, the person is going to congratulate you, by saying," You and your husband are really enjoying yourself, I saw your car parked up at such and such a motel" But it is a lie, the person is a mischief-maker, who is trying to upset the peace of your marriage. You have to have a plan put into place, how you and your spouse are going to deal with grievance. Do not sit down and gripe. Do not make a case behind the other person back. Always ask the person and told them what you have heard.
Some people who have problem in their spirit. They have wounded spirit or wounded lives; these believe every thing they heard without seeking verifications. Therefore their marriage is at the mercy of people whom bearing a grudge or people who are jealous of them.
The proper way to deal with this problem is by asking the person. How do you know it was my husband car? What time of day was it? What motel was it? Did you wrote down the plate number? If he or she do not have any of the answers to the questions that you ask. It could be a mistake, if the person has an answer to the questions that you ask. What pain, effort, and dedication that this person take to bring you that information, like he she is a private detective. Therefore, You can conclude the whole thing to be one big lie.
Proverbs 24:4-AV And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.
Proverbs 11:9-AV An hypocrite with [his] mouth destroyeth his neighbour: but through knowledge shall the just be delivered.
No marriages ever survive a sex problem.
In the book “Politics and people” Robert Townsend said” All people have needs. The way we act is determined by needs that are not yet satisfied. Our needs form a kind of ladder. Until a person’s needs have been satisfied on a lower level, he or she won’t be interested in satisfying needs on a higher level.”
Sex is a natural part of human biology, it is God that sit down upon his holy mountain and make up the stuff. It is not nasty. A person's mind is not in the gutter because they want sex. It is not human beings that bring on the feeling. It is just like sleep, people do not want to fall asleep on the job, but sleep wins.
MARRIED INTO CURSE FAMILY.
One of the problems that brought down marriage is people who get married into a family that had a curse on it. A certain man spent many years living with a wife; and finally leave because he say he cannot reach any where financially with her. "She is a gambler addict" He could never trust her to pay the rent; the money would end up in the casino. The people we married to, the people we befriend, and the people we worked among are even live among can cause you and I to share in their curse. I remember an incident that happens in Jamaica West Indies. One curst person cut wood and throws it into the cane mill, the mill broken down. A long line of things begins to happed. Because the mill was broken down, the cane cutter lost their job, the sugar boiler lost their jobs, even the taxi men that brought the people who sell lunches to the sugar plantations lost the jobs, the whole community was affected by the work of one curse person.
CURSE UPON YOUR FINANCIAL LIFE.
3 John 1:2 (KJV) Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. 3 John 1:2 [I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth] Three kinds of blessing that are God's will: 1. Material prosperity (3 John 2; Joshua 1:5-9; 1 Samuel 2:7-8; 1 Kings 2:3-4; 1 Chron. 29:12; Ezra 8:22; Job 36:11; Psalm 1:1-3; Matthew 7:7-11; Matthew 17:20; Matthew 21:22; Mark 9:23; Mark 11:22-24; John 15:7,16; 2 Cor. 9:6-8; Phil. 4:19) 2. Physical healing and health (3 John 2; Exodus 15:26; Psalm 91; Psalm 103:3; Isaiah 53:4-5; Isaiah 58:8; Matthew 8:17; 1 Peter 2:24; James 5:14, note) 3. Soul salvation (3 John 2; Matthew 1:21; Romans 1:16; Romans 10:9-10; Ephes. 1:7; Ephes. 2:8-9; Hebrews 7:25; 1 John 1:7,9; Rev. 1:5) If any one of these blessings were not the will of God, would it be the wish of this most beloved apostle? If such blessings are the will of God for one man, they are for all men alike who will have faith for them, because there is no partiality in the gospel.
SOMETIME ONLY JESUS CAN HELP US:
Matthew 6:33-AV But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Isaiah 55:6-AV Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near: Isaiah 55:7-AV Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
LOOK AT THE BENEFITS OF BECOMING A CHRISTIAN
How does a person become a Christian, and are sure that he/she is save? First the person must know that he/she is a sinner and need the lord's deliverance.
Romans 3:23 (KJV) for all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
Galatians 3:22 (KJV) But the scripture hath concluded all under sin, that the promise by faith of Jesus Christ might be given to them that believe.
THE SINNER MUST BELIEVE THAT THERE IS A GOD
Hebrews 11:6 NKJV But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
THE SINNER MUST BELIEVE THAT GOD IS READY TO FORGIVE HIM
Isaiah 55:7 (KJV)Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
THE SINNER MUST BELIEVE THAT CHRIST DIED FOR HIM
Romans 5:6 (KJV) For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.
Romans 5:8 (KJV)But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
1 Cor. 15:3-8 (KJV) For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures; [4] And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures: [5] And that he was seen of Cephas, then of the twelve: [6] After that, he was seen of above five hundred brethren at once; of whom the greater part remain unto this present, but some are fallen asleep. [7] After that, he was seen of James; then of all the apostles. [8] And last of all he was seen of me also, as of one born out of due time.
MUST BELIEVE THAT GOD CAN KEEP HIM
Ephes. 3:20 (KJV) Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,
Jude 1:24 (KJV) Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy,
PERFECTING THE SAINTS IS A WORK OF GOD
1 Peter 5:10 (KJV) But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, establish, strengthen, settle you.
THE SINNER MUST KNOW THAT ONLY JESUS CAN SAVE THEM
Acts 4:12 (KJV) Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.
THE SINNER MUST MAKE A DECISION TODAY
Isaiah 1:18 (KJV) Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.
2 Cor. 6:2 (KJV) (For he saith, I have heard thee in a time accepted, and in the day of salvation have I succoured thee: behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.)
DROP ALL PRE-CONCEIVE IDEAS OF CHRISTIANITY
Drop all preconceived ideas of Christianity because these conflict with the reality of Christianity. The lord will live the life through you day by day. The spirit of God will walk you out of sins in his own time.
FIRST HUMBLING YOU
Ephes. 2:8-9 (KJV)For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: [9] Not of works, lest any man should boast.
If you stop sins and get holy before God’s timing, you will begin to boast how it is your own magnetism got you so far, then you became a source of discouragement to others. Therefore, you are going to stuck upon sin.
1 John 1:8 (KJV) If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
TO CONTINUE GROWING IN GOD
1 Peter 2:2 (KJV) As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby:
2 Peter 1:5-10 (NKJV) But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6 to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, 7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. 8 For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins. 10 Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble.
FINDING OUT YOUR CALLING
When I was newly save, the believers always, ask me if I know the will of God for my life! I never really know what they were talking about. Every person that was saved had a mission and a gift. However, because you are just a babe in Christ you do not know any of these. As you go on with the lord his will for you will unfolds day bay day. Do not run off and make any big commitment. Your mate has to be tailor made for you by God. You are now a citizen of heaven. Heaven does not rule by democracy. You cannot serve God with democratic mind set.
WHAT YOU MUST DROP OFF
Hebrews 12:1 (Living Bible) Since we have such a huge crowd of men of faith watching us from the grandstands, let us strip off anything that slows us down or holds us back, and especially those sins that wrap themselves so tightly around our feet and trip us up; and let us run with patience the particular race that God has set before us.
Ephes. 4:31 (Living Bible) Stop being mean, bad-tempered, and angry. Quarreling, harsh words, and dislike of others should have no place in your lives.
Col. 3:8 (Living Bible) but now is the time to cast off and throw away all these rotten garments of anger, hatred, cursing, and dirty language.
GET A GOOD BIBLE, AND FIND A GOOD CHURCH
One of the best Bibles out there is the New King James Version. Dake’s annotated Bible is very good. Next, you need a living bible to make some thing simple.
Hebrews 10:25 (Living Bible) Let us not neglect our church meetings, as some people do, but encourage and warn each other, especially now that the day of his coming back again is drawing near.
PROTECTING YOURSELF FROM BEING SPOILED BY MAN
Col. 2:8 (KJV)Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.
Hebrews 13:9 (KJV) Be not carried about with divers and strange doctrines. For it is a good thing that the heart be established with grace; not with meats, which have not profited them that have been occupied therein.
Seven Ways that People Can Spoil Christians
1. Through philosophy (Col. 2:8)
2. Through vain deceit (Col. 2:4,8,18-19)
3. Through human traditions (Col. 2:8)
4. Through human religion and world principles contrary to the gospel (Col. 2:8,14-23; note, §Galatians 4:3)
5. Through circumcision (Col. 2:11-13; Acts 15:1; Romans 4:9-16; Galatians 5:1-11)
6. Through the law of Moses, demanding observance of the laws on meats, drinks, holy days, new moons, feasts, and sabbaths (Col. 2:14-17)
7. Through cults that puff up and imitate the gospel (Col. 2:18-23)
By all these means, unsuspecting souls are being carried off as plunder and booty by false teachers. The founders of false religions and human philosophies which pamper the flesh and give their victims elated feelings of importance make an appeal to them.
Christianity is loaded down with some false concept. Some little believe system, which are spread by false believers. One of such teaching is that you must “Look like Christians” How does Christians look? Genuine Christianity is not an external thing but of the heart and spirit.
Micah 6:8 (KJV)He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?
When cults capture a newly converted Christians, the cult first job on that new believer is to close their mind. Preventing the new believer from reading any material from other churches. So that new believer will never get out of their trap.
YOUR HORMONE DOES NOT STOP WORKING WITH CHRISTIANITY
1 Co 9:27 But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.
Gal 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ, and I live; yet no longer I, but Christ lives in me. And that life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith toward the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself on my behalf. Gal 2:21 I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness is through law, then Christ died without cause.
Galatians 2:20 make 1 Cor 9:27 possible. Philip. 3:20-21 (KJV)For our conversation is in heaven; from whence also we look for the Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ: [21] Who shall change our vile body, that it may be fashioned like unto his glorious body, according to the working whereby he is able even to subdue all things unto himself.
Romans 8:23 (KJV) And not only they, but ourselves also, which have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body.
Our bodies were not save at conversion. The work of redemption took place in your spirit man. Our body will be redeemed at the return of our lord. We are still waiting for the redemption of our body.
According to Philip 3:20-21 and Romans 8:23. You are still going to have urges. You have to present your body to the lord as a living sacrifice. Not dead one. Living sacrifice give trouble, you will have trouble keeping that body tied to the altar. However, as you and I grow in the lord what seem impossible will be quite possible.
Come back for update soon.
"Sword Bearer"
