How To help An Alcoholic Addicted Spouse
By Dr. James. A McBean D.Th., MCC
Copyright © 2008 Library of Congress
Washington.D.C.20559
I t is important to know that. Cursing out a person is not counseling them. Talking about them is not helping them, and putting them down is not necessarily lifting them up. Helping people especially the people we love and live with is hard work. But, when the day is over, and we see what they have become, it will be well worth the efforts.
2Ch 10:6 And King Rehoboam consulted with the old men who had stood before Solomon his father while he yet lived, saying, What advice do you give me to return answer to this people? 2Ch 10:7 And they spoke to him saying, If you are kind to this people and please them, and speak good words to them, they will be your servants forever.
Robert Townsend in the book. (Up the Organization) and in "Politics & People" Page 16. Stated that. "If you want people to do their best, you have to understand their needs" "All people have needs. The way we act is determined by needs that are not yet satisfied. Our needs form a sort of ladder. Until a person's needs have been satisfied on a lower level, he or she won't be interested in satisfying needs on a higher level" A person that is addicted to alcoholic beverage, have a hidden problem, or a hidden need. You have to find the person's needs and understand it before you can help them.
WHAT YOU DO NOT WANT TO DO
Making them feel bad about themselves, running them down all the time. Using put down, name calling, sarcasm, and go to hell looks. That only driving them further into substance abusing. Do not make them feel like you are talking with friends about them. If you do so, you are only putting your friends and family in jeopardy. Do not throw them out, and do not leave them. You only leave a spouse that need help, if they are physically abusive.
STOP TRYING TO CHANGE THEM
Sometime a spouse is using drinking as a mean of controlling. Since the behavior of mine is hurting you, I will keep doing it. "This is my way of fighting back or getting back at you. "The way to deal with it is this. Since drinking and getting drunk is your thing, keep doing it. You do not need to be good for me. You do not need to stop drinking just to make me feel good. I do not want you to change for me. I love you just the way you are. Try bate the house up with six packs, every where he or she went in the house they must be bumping into bear bottle and cans. Soon they got sick of it and start asking for help.
Never clean up after a drunken mate. They must wake up in the vomit, and see it. When you picked them up from off the floor and clean them up. When they woke up in bed and you told them, they do not believe. One patient in the mental health hospital told me him stop drinking after waking up on a man's lawn. Drunkards only stop when they woke up with their mouth full of ants and dog licking their mouth.
YOU CANNOT CHANGE PEOPLE
Changing people is an impossible task. You must change yourself to coexist with people. People have a way to resist change. The more you depending on them to change, is the worst they get.
HOW TO HELP AND ALCOHOLIC DEPENDANT SPOUSE
Try finding out what is the problem behind their drinking. What are they hiding from?! What is their pain?! Where are they hurting?! Try helping them to fix the problem, if they want. Ask them if they want your help before you start. Do you want me to work with you with your problem?
Sometime Only Jesus Can Help Us
Acts 4:12 (KJV)Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.
Romans 5:6 (KJV) For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. Romans 5:7 (KJV) For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. Romans 5:8 (KJV) But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:9 (KJV) Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. Romans 5:10 (KJV) For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life. Romans 5:11 (KJV) And not only so, but we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we have now received the atonement.
Matthew 6:33-AV But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Isaiah 55:6-AV Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near: Isaiah 55:7-AV Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
The Bearer's Of The Mind Sword
